Drunk as Skunks
by King in Yellow
Summary: The joy of finding the kids have been in to the liquor cabinet. Kasy and Sheki have a lawyer, but she may not be on their side. A story of crime and suitable punishment. Best Enemies universe.
1. A Moment of Pure Panic

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. 

Visit my profile for a fast overview of the Best Enemies universe.

NoDrogs created the twins, whose origins have been altered in my stories.

**A Moment of Pure Panic**

Shego missed calls to her private line and cell phone as she sat in Adam Zinski's office discussing her strategy for an upcoming trial. The two had moved off the case and into general chatting when Sam stuck his head in the door, "Sharon? You've got a scared kid on line four."

She grabbed her legal pad and pen and started to rise when Adam hit line four on his phone and handed her the receiver.

"Hello?" _"It had better not be Kasy or Sheki asking what's for supper."_

"Eemah! Something's wrong with Kasy and Sheki!"

Shego knew what Sam meant, she sounded frightened, "What do you mean, 'wrong'?"

"I think they're sick."

"Can you put one of them on the phone?"

"I… I don't think so."

"Did Jason and Jessica come home with them? Are they there?"

"They're sick too."

"Can you tell me what you mean when you say they're sick?"

"They don't answer. They're in the library--"

"All of them?"

"Yes, all of them in the library. And they were drinking something there. And they--"

"Drinking something in there? Drinking something they brought in from the kitchen or something that was in the library?"

"In the library. From those bottles--"

"I'm on my way home now. Good job calling." Shego felt as scared as Jane.

Adam raised an eyebrow as she almost tossed the phone back to him, "Trouble?"

"Got a house full of drunk thirteen year olds. Got to run," she explained over her shoulder to Adam and Sam as she headed out the door.

She grabbed her purse from her office, debating whether waiting for the elevator or running down seven flights of stairs was the better use of her time. On the way down in the elevator she called Tara.

"Jane called, we've got a problem, the kids got in the liquor cabinet. … No, I'm on my way home now. … Okay, see you there." She was starting to agree with Kim; Jason was trouble. She wanted to blame him for whatever had happened, but reluctantly had to admit Kasy could just as easily suggested the idea.

She called nine-one-one as she found her car. She gave the address and asked for a black-and-white unit with a breathalyzer.

The squad car was parked in the driveway when she pulled in, and two policemen stood on the porch.

"Hobble?" she shouted as she sprinted for the porch, "I though they had your fat ass behind a desk."

"I grabbed the call when I heard the address. Tell your kid to open the door. She won't let us in."

Shego didn't have time to come back with a sarcastic reply. She barely had time for, "Thanks for coming," as she put her key in the lock. Jane had been standing right behind the door, telling the officers she wasn't allowed to open the door for strangers when Shego arrived. The little redhead grabbed Eemah, and Shego picked her up. "They're in the library," she called to the officers.

The sour smell of vomit hit them as they went into the library. Shego put Jane down by the door and told her to stay put. Kasy and Jason were together on the floor, fairly close to the liquor cabinet. Neither appeared conscious. Jessica sat on the floor, leaning back against one of the wing chairs. Her eyes were open, but she wasn't following the movements in the room very well. Sheki was curled up in ball a few feet away, by the second wing chair.

"Test those two first," Shego directed, pointing at Kasy and Jason.

The pale woman knelt by Sheki and shook her shoulder slightly. The dark haired girl groaned, "Lea' me 'lone."

"Sit up," her mother demanded. "I want to see you're alive." Then she called over to the officers, "Got a blood alcohol on either of those two?"

"We got a BAC of two two on him, taking hers now."

If he meant to say anything else no one could have heard him as Tara ran into the room screaming. The blonde grabbed Jessica in her arms and started crying loudly.

"Kasy has a BAC of three zero," Hobble reported. "I'm guessing the boy is the one who threw up,"

The officers moved over to test Sheki.

"What are they doing?" Tara demanded.

"Blood alcohol content," Shego explained. "About point five people start dying from alcohol poisoning."

"Some can die at point four," the younger officer said helpfully.

"Test Jessica first! Test Jessica first!" Tara started screaming.

"Will you pipe down," the pale woman told her, "She looks like the best one in the room."

Tara didn't stop screaming, and added a variety of accusations about Kim and Shego's parenting skills to the list.

"Any chance you can arrest her for disturbing the peace?" Shego whispered to Hobble.

"Sorry, no. She's just a concerned parent."

"No, she's a hysterical parent. I'm concerned and she's getting on my damned nerves."

"Two one on this kid," the second officer reported, finishing up with Sheki and moving over to Jessica. His, "Look lady, I can do this faster if you'll shut up," only brought a moment's reprieve from the sound of Tara's voice.

Shego took a fast inventory of the liquor cabinet. "Looks like they were hitting the schnapps. Chocolate, and peppermint are both dead, almost out of peach."

"That's a hell of a lot of drinking," Hobble mumbled.

"All three were pretty low, thank God. Got some friends who like fuzzy navels, and some people turn up the volume on their eggnog at the winter party." She was talking as much to herself as to Hobble, who wouldn't have known about the Legal Solstice parties. "Stupid kids were using the old-fashioned glasses -- probably drinking it straight." She looked over to Hobble, "His level went down after he threw up?"

"Probably. It goes to the blood stream real fast, but not instantly."

"Would it help with Kasy and Sheki?"

"Couldn't hurt, as long as they're conscious. Got any ipecac?"

"No," Shego admitted. She looked over to the five year old, who had kept her place by the door where Eemah told her to stay, "Jane, get a carton of eggs from the fridge and bring it to the little bathroom. Oh, and get a couple plastic glasses too."

The second officer seriously considered ticketing Tara for interfering with a police officer in the performance of his duty before he finally got a reading on Jessica, "Point one eight."

"Is that good?" Tara demanded.

"It's not a contest, lady."

"Will she live?"

"She's lower than the others, won't have as big a headache tomorrow."

Jane came to the library door, "I put the eggs and glasses in the bathroom."

"Good girl," Shego called. "Oh, run and grab a spoon and take it in too."

Shego pulled Kasy up a little roughly to help wake her up. Like her sister the redhead moaned and asked to be left alone. "Doesn't work that way," her mother told her cheerfully, "you're going to the bathroom to get your tummy flushed."

"What?" Tara demanded.

"Seeing if I can get some of the booze out of the system." Shego explained. She pulled Kasy to her feet and the girl staggered to the bathroom, leaning on her Eemah.

Tara and Jane followed and watched as Shego let Kasy sit on the floor while her mother prepared an egg cocktail: one egg and a dash of water - stirred, not shaken. Shego lifted the toilet rim and pulled Kasy back on her feet. When the redhead refused to drink Shego pinched her nose closed and poured it in when Kasy opened her mouth.

Shego wrinkled her nose in disgust as the egg worked its magic. "Phew! Well we know who bogarted the chocolate schnapps."

"Will you do that for Jason and Jessica?" Tara asked.

"Sure. Let me empty Sheki first."

Shego left Kasy stretched out on the entryway floor. Sheki proved more cooperative in rendering up her peppermint schnapps to the porcelain goddess. Jason, like Kasy, required the nose trick. He had already done a pretty good job of emptying his stomach on the library floor. Jessica also cooperated. Volume suggested she had drunk less, and the odor suggested the peach.

The young officer helped get the twelve and fourteen year old into the car. Tara muttered something about never letting her children visit again and Shego half believed it would be a good idea, but knew it wouldn't happen.

Shego, Hobble, and Jane watched from the porch as Tara drove off.

Hobble tried to lecture the five year old on letting police in, but Shego shushed him, "Anyone can buy a badge and claim to be police. She was being good." But she also turned to Jane, "Remember this guy. He's not one of nature's noblemen, and he knows the location of every donut shop in Middleton--" Hobble grunted rudely. "--but he's a hell of a good cop and a friend."

Jane solemnly shook his hand before he headed out to the squad car.

The twins had progressed to groaning and trying to sit up when Shego and Jane went back into the house. Their Eemah ordered them into the kitchen and gave them bread and water.

"I don' wanna eat," Kasy complained.

"Tough, I've always heard you want a little something in your stomach to reduce the hangover--"

"Hangover?" Sheki asked.

"The pain isn't over yet," Shego promised. "And you might be on bread and water for the next six months." She paused for a minute. "Damn, I don't think the pain has started at all. Just wait until Mommy gets home."


	2. Followed by Real Chaos

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The characters from the Kim Possible series are owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. 

NoDrogs created the twins, whose origins have been altered in my stories.

**Followed by Real Chaos **

"Why aren't the twins eating with us tonight?" Kim asked as they sat down for dinner.

"It's 'cause they're drunk as skunks," Jane chirped up.

"What!"

"Shhh," Shego tried to silence her.

"Plowed, plastered, hammered, plotto, blintzed, shut-faced--"

"Stop," Kim demanded. "Shut-faced? Where are you getting these words?"

"Eemah and the nice policeman were talking on the porch."

"It's blotto, not plotto, and blitzed, not blintzed," Shego whispered loudly. "And stop talking with your mouth full."

"I'm not eating anything," Jane protested.

"Well, eat something. And stop talking."

As the meal wound down Kim turned to Jane, "Could you go to bed early tonight? I think Mommy and Eemah need to talk."

Jane frowned and Shego stepped in to defend her, "My client has done nothing wrong. She, in fact, behaved perfectly today. Nay, she behaved above and beyond expectations for a five year old. Early bedtime? That is a punishment for miscreants and ne'er-do-wells. Punish her? Rather she should be rewarded. I say ice cream and staying up as late if she wants."

Kim sighed, "How about ice cream and regular bed time?" Jane smiled and nodded.

"Get out the bowls," Shego told the little redhead, "I'll get the ice cream."

As they ate their low-fat chocolate chip mint Kim turned to her youngest daughter, "A word of advice, never marry a lawyer."

The little girl's eyes started to fill with tears.

"Jesus, Kim," Shego complained, "Don't scare the kid. She's had a really rotten day." She patted Jane's head. "It's okay. Mommy and Eemah aren't going to split up. We'd never be able to decide who got the house. She was just telling a joke."

After dinner Kim loaded the dishwasher, "I really want to know what happened to the twins," she told the other two. "But if I have to wait until Jane goes to bed, how about I read to her in the library?"

"I would strongly advise against that course of action," Shego warned. "It won't be fit for human habitation until the twins start serving their community service time by mopping up tomorrow."

Kim frowned, "That bad?"

Shego shook her head, "'Fraid so. It's really rank. I thought of cleaning, but decided they needed the lesson."

Kim read to Jane in the living room, then the three watched a little television. The five-year old gave Mommy and Eemah each a big hug and kiss and scampered off to bed.

"Talk now?" Kim asked.

"She'll be back," Shego warned.

Jane was down ten minutes later in pajamas with her teeth brushed for another hug and kiss. She looked at Kim, "Will Kasy and Sheki be okay?"

Kim looked over to Shego, "Sisters will probably feel sick tomorrow," the pale woman answered. "But they're going to be fine."

"For sure?"

"For sure… Oh, they don't want you to scream tomorrow. Make sure you do."

"SHEGO!"

"Hey, it's part of their punishment."

Jane scampered off to bed, and Shego recounted the story of the afternoon.

"Put a lock on it," Kim said as Shego finished.

"No. It says we don't trust them--"

"We don't," Kim said. She paused, "Sorry, not sure how I feel now."

"I know the feeling. They can also pick locks."

"Fine. Get rid of the liquor."

"That's not an answer to the problem."

"Yes it is," Kim insisted. "No liquor cabinet, no one gets into the liquor."

"That doesn't teach them anything about what alcohol is or responsibility."

"We never had alcohol in the house," Kim responded, "and I turned out fine."

"And I appreciate being married to a designated driver, but you don't know anything about drinking."

"I don't like the taste."

"And there is nothing wrong with that -- for you. Are you going to claim that makes it right for everybody?"

Kim paused, "No, but I'd like it if they didn't drink either."

"Do you think I drink too much?" Shego demanded.

Kim hesitated. "Okay," Shego asked, changing the question, "how many times have you seen me drunk in the years we've been together?"

"Hmm, a couple times at Purim for sure."

"I'll admit that. A couple times in all the years we've been together. Do I have a drink most nights?"

"No, most nights you don't"

"Kim," Shego said softly. "I think it is our job to teach them some responsibility. If they go off to college without knowing anything they could fall in with the 'let's spend the weekend drunk' crowd."

"You sound like we should let them drink."

"If they want to taste beer, let them taste beer. If they want a glass of wine with Friday night dinner, let them have a glass of wine with Friday night dinner. Let them see alcohol used with a meal instead of as an excuse to get drunk."

"Is that how you were raised?"

"No," Shego admitted. "I was raised like you. And when I got away from home I did some really stupid things because I didn't know any better. I want more of a European model with the kids."

Kim raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to tell me there are no drinking problems in Europe?"

"No, but they have a higher percentage of people who know that the point isn't to get drunk."

"And if they want to take drugs that will be okay if we're here to supervise?"

"Bogus analogy, Kim. Illegal drugs are illegal drugs. Society says they can buy drinks in a few years if they want. I don't want them to learn the hard way, like I did. If they were allowed a little glass of wine if they wanted to try one do you think they'd have been sneaking around into the liquor cabinet today?"

Kim wavered, "I don't know. But I know we aren't going to solve this tonight. And we say nothing to the girls on the subject until we decide and both agree. Nothing said, right?"

Shego mimed zipping her mouth shut, but then, remembering something left unsaid, shot her hand in the air. Kim smiled and said, "Yes."

Shego mimed unzipping her mouth. "We don't say anything about big issue until we agree, but let's get the immediate punishment in mind. First punishment is how they feel tomorrow. Second is cleaning up the mess in the library. Grounding for a third, how much hard time do we give them?"

"I'd suggest a month of relative grounding, or two weeks of complete," Kim said. "But you're the one who saw it. Is that enough? Do we need a fourth punishment?"

"Two weeks total grounding would be enough, I think. But we need an enforcer. We can't have them home alone until I get in from the office -- I think they'll watch TV or turn on the computer."

"You're right. Let me call the Stoppables and see if Hana is free for a couple weeks."

Kim drew a deep breath when she got of her cell phone and let it out slowly. "Well, she agreed. It's a hundred bucks a week."

"For an hour and a half after school for five days?"

Kim handed Shego the phone, "You want to call back and negotiate with her?"

"No thanks, she's one scary kid. Hey, I need a drink. You want one?"

Kim glared at her.

"I just meant a cup of green tea."

--The End--


End file.
